Memories in Paraphrase

This weekend has once again been one of those where I originally set out to get quite a few things done, only for my condition to flare up and end up not getting a vast amount of anything done. It's one of the frustrating realities of living with my condition which I have still not come to terms with even after the many years it has been causing me problems. Over time I've developed some strategies to deal with it which work better than others, but there are always days when even those don't particularly work. It didn't help that it kept me awake most of Saturday night in to Sunday which only compounded the fact I am already very tired. Family also seem to be constantly commenting about me sounding tired. I must admit having to restrain myself from snapping back that managing my conditions is a lot of work to begin with and doing my studies on top of that is not easy. Really I want a few days where I can just rest but I'm not going to get that this week as I've jobs that I've put off which I really need to deal with - including sorting out some of the logistics for a conference I'm meant to be doing in two weeks. It's all rather chaotic but hopefully it will settle down somewhat soon at least.

There are few things more likely to make getting back to sleep extremely difficult than being woken up by a news alert with the headline - "Europe's Largest Nuclear Power Station catches fire amid fierce fighting in Ukraine."
It appears the fire was in a training building outside the main compound - but that is slim comfort because this was far too close to making the already horrific situation in Ukraine even worse right across Europe.  I think I've been mentally trying to process just that one element all day.  

  

It seems like the right day to be starting a new journal - if only because the day and month match.
My mood has been a bit all over the place for the last week, like so many people. I'm torn between trying to shut out everything that is going on and focus exclusively on sorting out my flat and working on my thesis, and being glued to my phone refreshing news sites every few minutes. I'm trying to strike a balance - giving myself a news story curfew after the Radio 4 Midnight News. It's a struggle. In my mind I keep being reminded of the wars of the 1990s and the impact they had on so many people. My Mum is in a similar space, going back in her head to the Prague Spring.
On a personal and more positive note - my thesis work is actually going well, and I'm liking how the chapter is starting to come together, which is something of a new experience given how hard going the last chapter was. Hopefully its a trend. We're currently discussing whether I'm likely to need a short extension given the impact of the restrictions of the last two years. It would certainly relieve the pressure, even if it would have a knock on impact on what I'm planning to do afterwards - which is still at a very early planning stage.
In other news I'm still waiting to hear back about the Birthday Massacre gig later this year. I'm really hoping it won't be moved again - especially as the gig was meant to be two years ago! It's a smaller venue than the last one I went to, and I know there's a change I might run into a few people I'd rather not, but I'm still really looking forward to it. I might see if I can make a couple of the other UK dates if they are going ahead and I can afford the travel. The new album Fascination is good - it sounds like a mix of their early work - particularly Nothing and Nowhere and Superstition.
I'm still waiting to hear if the referral for surgery on my jaw has gone through.  I've got a routine appointment coming up so hopefully I'll find out more then.  
Here's hoping these things will sort themselves out soon.